seasons.

I had this type of epiphany the other day. I think we keep waiting for this "busy season" to end and for life to slow down a little bit. The pace is fast-- not necessarily the days themselves, but the weeks, the months, the years... And what I've come to realize is that the pace won't slow down. Kids that are growing means time flies, there are many places to be, people to see, sports to play, experiences to be had. I think I'm lying to myself if I say: after summer things will slow down, or after fall we'll catch our breath. Because in this season of raising kids that aren't babies-- there is no slow season. And it's weird to process this in real time. I suppose the reality of it is that I have been processing this for a couple years now. There was The Before, and The Now. Before was when my kids were little, we spent our days meeting up with friends, swimming in pools that wore them out so much that I'd stuff some food in their mouths and get them tucked in and they'd fall asleep in minutes. Before was endless time, stretched out, there were no sports practices or extra-curriculars... no one had anywhere to be, so friendships felt easy, truly not a lot of work or planning needed to be done, because we were all just available all the time. 

I know that our family has chosen to be different. Currently my children are in ZERO sports and activities,  but it feels like I've hit the jackpot when I find out that my friends also don't have to be driving kids to and from fields and other such places. THIS is the Now. This is where you start to wonder if everyone is feeling like they don't see people very often, or if it's just you and you have limited friendships. No one told me that my whole child-raising years wouldn't be spent meeting up with people at the library, then deciding to go to the park, then taking a kid home with me from the park so that the playing didn't ever have to end. This is a bit of a grief spot for me. I think because it happened so fast, and also, slow enough that I didn't realize it was happening until it was done. Kind of like when you realize your baby girl hasn't put on a dress up dress for a while and then poof- she's out of the dress up stage and you're shocked. 

I love this Now stage. I love the freedom I have to be a little more me. I love the conversations and the learning who my kids are becoming. I love watching their relationships with each other grow and develop. I love seeing their faith sharpen, their convictions, and the intricate ways that God has knit them uniquely together. As I learn my new role and mourn my old one, I learn about space, about being present when I am asked, and gently bidding for some time when I need to feel like a young mom again. 

I need to get ahead of the 8 ball on the next season, I need a good book recommendation or something, so that it doesn't take me so much time and tears to process the change! 

I am thankful to be their mom, thankful that I continue to learn so much in parenting-- do you ever stop learning in parenting?? and thankful that I have kids who let me mess up a lot while I am trying to figure this out :) 

xo. etc