40 life lessons.

 Today is my 40th birthday. I feel like God has blessed me in so many ways and I’ve had many experiences that people could never even hope for in a lifetime. I am so fortunate to wake up everyday next to someone who loves me so much there is not a shred of doubt in my mind. Kids who make my heart skip a beat when I see them after school. Friends who love me, pray for me, cheer for me and support me. And family who I love to just BE with. I’ve compiled a list of things I’ve learned. More for me than anyone else, and for my kids. I hope they get some nuggets of wisdom- take it or leave it - from me along the way. 

Things I’ve learned:

Life:

• While I can't control what happens, I can control if it makes me have a crappy day or not. Choosing to be positive when life is negative is hard, but always worth it. 
• The sun always rises again, even the hardest seasons eventually don't feel as hard.
• Comparison is the thief of joy. 
• If you can’t tone it, tan it.  

Friendship:

• It’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all
• Friends paired with purpose and goal chasing are the best kinds of friends
• Laughing with friends can make the darkest days brighter
• If you’re thinking about someone- tell them- it never hurts to tell someone you think they’re amazing. 

Parenting:

• Don’t tell a new mom: 'you’ll miss this one day', when they are deep in the weeds. This is not helpful. Instead say: you’re doing a great job raising those kids. 
• Take videos of your kids little voice because you’ll forget what they sounded like. 
• Make sure your kids get to Bible camp. They will learn independence and have the time of their life. They’ll witness cool college kids loving Jesus and they’ll begin to make their faith their own. 
• Spend time one on one with your kids. Even if it’s a grocery store run or a walk around the block. Choosing them over other things means a lot. 
• Eat dinner together and talk about highs and lows of the day. Learning to reflect is key to success in life. 
• If you can take summers off with your kids: do it. Biking to the pool and playing all day and eating ice cream for dinner will make you feel like a millionaire. 

Young adulthood:

• Go to college. Even if you don’t end up using your degree (sorry mom and dad). You’ll learn so much about yourself, you’ll experience things you would never experience otherwise and you’ll meet interesting people who will stick with you the rest of your life. 
• Study abroad if you can. Get on the plane. Live in the culture. Experience the food. Walk the streets. 
• Find something you’re passionate about and hold on tight. Pursue that thing. 
• Move somewhere new, where you are forced out of your comfort zone. when you're young you don't have a lot of stuff weighing you down-- go figure out a new place.

Love:

• Falling in love is one of the best experiences of life. Enjoy the journey! Close down the restaurant talking. Spend extravagant money on their gifts, go to a new place together. 
• Don’t spend a lot of time or money planning a wedding. It’s a one day event. Have a short engagement, make quick decisions and then start building your life together. 
• Put the other person first. Try to make them smile every single day. “Hi!… Bye!” doesn’t cut it in marriage :)
• Marriage works if you work at it. 
• Weekly dates are always a good idea. Even if it’s out to coffee or a walk through the state park. It’s important to be together without distractions of home and kids. 
• Learn what makes each other tick. I am not good at words of affirmation and I’m really good at acts of service, but the problem is Sten doesn’t feel loved by me packing him a lunch. He feels loved when I tell him how amazing he is and how happy he makes me. I need to spend less time packing lunches and more time telling him the things that will make him feel loved and respected by me. 

Health:

• Run. Get your body to go a mile. Then 2 then 3 - now you’ve run a 5k and you can easily do another one. :) 
• Find ways to move your body with people. It won’t even feel like you’re working out- it will feel fun and social and you’ll be extra healthy for it. 
• Sign up for something that feels really scary and outside your abilities- because when you do it- you’ll feel like a million bucks. 
• Run the mile you’re in. Whether it’s a marathon or life. 
• Learn how to cook. Experiment with kitchen gadgets and new ingredients. You’ll ultimately save a lot of time and money and you’ll be healthier. 
• Make your own bread. There is NOTHING better than warm bread out of the oven!

Money:

• My mom said: it doesn’t matter how much you make, it matters how much you spend. Learn to live within your means. 
• Learn to give 10% and trust and watch how God ALWAYS provides and always takes care. You'll experience some of the greatest gifts of life when you choose generosity.
• Go through the Dave Ramsey course so that you’re on the same page with your spouse about money. 
• Save for that thing and then buy it. It will feel so freeing. 

Other things:

• Mornings are magical. Quiet house, the day stretched out before you. Prioritize sleep, so that you can wake up and seize the day. 
• Go to church. Find a church family. Invest in it and the people. Serve. Worship. Don’t do it to check a box, do it because your life will be richer and fuller and your foundation will be stronger. 
• Get your nails done every once in a while. Paint them a crazy color.
• Always jump in the lake. You'll experience 100% more out of summer from inside the water than out in the boat. 
• There is absolutely nothing better than the first warm day of spring. Clear the calendar, take your lunch outside, bask in the sunlight and relish in the warmth.
• Clear is kind (still learning this one). 

I asked a few people who are further down the road than me about advice or the best part of being 40. 

Here are some responses:

- I think that I tried to stop worrying about what others think or what I felt like I should do to make others like me, but rather be myself, do what makes me happy and put energy into people that want the same thing. 

- That it is NEVER too late to, start again, try something new or to be able to change 💖💖💖

- As we get older, what matters becomes so clear. Put your family first — they are your real home. Keep your circle small and filled only with people who bring peace, laughter, and truth into your life. Don’t wait for “someday.” Live fully now. Say yes to experiences, to joy, to growth… and don’t be afraid to say no to what drains you. Have confidence in yourself. Life is precious, and it moves faster than we think. Make it rich in the ways that truly count. 

- You feel a little more settled in life and in what you were made to do. 

- 40 used to seem so old and then you get to 40 and don’t feel old and suddenly the goal post moves and 50 seems so old 😆😆 haha let’s just hope when we get to 50 it happens again!

- I like 40 because it feels more laid back and confident. I know who I am, I’ve let go of a lot. I know what’s out of my control and striving is just exhausting.

- 40 is fun as a mom because my kids are at great ages and now we are connecting more then the grunt work of naps, diapers, bedtime routines. In some ways it’s harder but I love it

- I found my people at 40. And let go of the other people in my life that didn’t share my values. 

I’m excited to begin a new decade! 

xo. edc.