Last night, Sten and I spent a significant amount of time watching old videos of our kids. It was therapeutic and entirely gratifying to listen to their little voices, and especially hear those deep, deep gut belly laughs from their tiny little baby bodies.
Do any other parents do this? Scroll through picture after picture constantly ooo-ing, and ahh-ing over their cuteness, right after you've put them to bed in a rushed, we-finally-made-it-to-bedtime-I-thought-I-was-going-to-lose-it kind of way? It happens to me all the time-- I find myself missing them in this strange way. Not enough to wake them up, but enough that I want to look over what we've done that day, and reflect on some funny thing one of them said. I barely remember them like this:
Which hurts my heart to admit. I wish I was one of those people with a photographic memory and could recall exactly how they felt in my arms, or what their little voice sounded like, but I can't. I HAVE to rely on pictures to remember Lucy's super chubby cheeks and tiny hands, the way Olle's hair line reminded me of an old man. I wish, just for a second, I could go back in time and hold them, the way only a mama knows how to hold her newborn, and does it just right, unlike a visitor who is too cautious and awkward. I love babies and miss them being this little and needing me for EVERY single thing.
I went to bed feeling entirely different after watching those videos last night. Remembering our highlight reel of life. I think I fell asleep smiling.
xo. edc.
Do any other parents do this? Scroll through picture after picture constantly ooo-ing, and ahh-ing over their cuteness, right after you've put them to bed in a rushed, we-finally-made-it-to-bedtime-I-thought-I-was-going-to-lose-it kind of way? It happens to me all the time-- I find myself missing them in this strange way. Not enough to wake them up, but enough that I want to look over what we've done that day, and reflect on some funny thing one of them said. I barely remember them like this:
Which hurts my heart to admit. I wish I was one of those people with a photographic memory and could recall exactly how they felt in my arms, or what their little voice sounded like, but I can't. I HAVE to rely on pictures to remember Lucy's super chubby cheeks and tiny hands, the way Olle's hair line reminded me of an old man. I wish, just for a second, I could go back in time and hold them, the way only a mama knows how to hold her newborn, and does it just right, unlike a visitor who is too cautious and awkward. I love babies and miss them being this little and needing me for EVERY single thing.
I went to bed feeling entirely different after watching those videos last night. Remembering our highlight reel of life. I think I fell asleep smiling.
xo. edc.
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